Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Decisions and What-ifs

In life, we are constantly told to look forward to what life has to offer in the future. But you know what? I'm sick and tired of that nonsense.

How is it possible for you to look forward if you don't even look at where you're at right now? Do you mean to say that the shit in your life right now is going to *magically* disappear and BAM! you're in the future. Ten years has passed, no exams to take, no sufferings, no tragedies etc. If that's so, sign me up for this fantastic jump cut.

You get where i'm going...

What is the point of looking forward to life if we can't accept the current situations we are in. We get so delusional with the future that sometimes it seems like we're putting blind faith in this whole "look forward" thing. That our problems will just turn to dust.

No i'm not saying that looking forward isn't bad... but being delusional is.


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Gah! All these mindless rage. I'm getting nowhere and I'm sorry you had to read that.
This post/sharing is more of a venting post cause my mind's all over the place. Hopefully some of the sharings/points resonate to you as well.

The reason why i'm writing this ways is cause I feel that life has been very mean to me lately. Problems after problems and worse still, sometimes they stack upon one another. Who am I? I'm not Superman, I'm not Bruce Wayne. Hell, i'm just a mere human that lives an every day life just like you. However, sometimes I just don't understand the problems that I have to go through and the decisions that I have to make.

I feel alone because the people whom I thought could understand my situations, never did... Never tried, really.

It feels like the weight of the world increases with every step that I take and that one day the world is gonna come crashing down on me.

To be honest, all that i'm asking for... is some support and love.

I get it. I can't do everything in the world and love; that I have to prioritise what is important in my life but can't you see? Can't you see that each decision I make carries such a heavy consequence that makes it difficult for me to make the decision cause I know one party is gonna be hurt.

Examples;
Dance or Music?
Arts or Grades?
My Love For the Arts or Society's Demands?

What say you? Conform and be loved, but hate what you're doing? Or dare to be different, love what you're doing, but disappoint those around you.

Frankly speaking, it's not the decision that hurts the most. It's the process.

You go about a long ass journey just to get to that decision but the people around you can't see what goes through your mind. They can't see the pain and suffering that you had to go through to come about that decision. They can't see the things you had to consider and all those elaborate mindmaps in your head, which shows you how one action leads to another.

"Talk to us about it. Help us to understand what you're going through", says the world.

"But are you even willing to listen and to help? Or are you simply just finding a way to counter my argument so that you can say that I am wrong and that you're right?"

Even as I end this post very abruptly, I still do not know the answer. I wish I did cause life would be so much easier.

Should I trust in the future and what life has to offer? Or be constantly worried about the next step that I take. Should I do what I love? Or not.

Actually, it's pretty easy to look into the future if you're someone going to succumb to society's pressure and be just like anybody else. Live the office life, 9-5 everyday. Have a wife, a kid, a house and a car but secretly sort of hate your life (well some parts of it), and you're constantly asking yourself the 'What-ifs'. Honestly, if you want that kind of life then that's good, cause you're just gonna be society's next robot with that one mission - Live and Die.

I don't want to be a robot yet I don't want to disappoint others around when I make that decision to be different.

I hate these kinds of posts. I end up feeling really tired and shitty.

Thanks for listening anyways.

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