Friday, 18 February 2011

guilt

like water. you are pure.

Disappointment. That's all I can describe today. I'm so disappointed with myself and the team. We had our apologetics session today and we were supposed to do a presentation on "Why a Good God allows Suffering" and I realized how foolish I was to miss out the part on how we were supposed to do our presentation (there was a specific way in which we had to present our points). I didn't hear that we were supposed to do it in a 'Listen. Identify. Present Christians view' way. This just shows I wasn't listening and I'm mad at myself for not being attentive..

I really don't know how to say this but to put it bluntly, I screwed up the presentation. I screwed up not because what i said was wrong during the presentation. However, it was obvious that the team and I did not put in our 101% into the whole presentation. I feel so ashamed that I still tell others that we must remember to do our best for God. I'm such a hypocrite..

I also cant believe that I got angry with my team members. There was obviously a way in which I could encourage them to be more involved in the ppt. However, i allowed PRIDE to get the better of me. I told myself i didnt need them and gave reasons like I felt that they were slacking away. However, what a fool i was to just it to myself, shut up, be angry and just let it continue. I'm selfish not to correct them when i felt they could be doing a better job.

I'm just so so sad so so ashamed and so so angry. I really wished I went out there to give my all. I just wished the team and i were concerned about what we were doing the whole time. It was only till the last part that everyone then became more concerned bout the whole presentation.

I think all of us have the right to be ashamed at ourselves, especially me because there was a point in time in which i just didn't care about them. How is that loving my brothers?

So I pray Dear Lord, instead of me being angry with them. Help me see that i should be angry with myself cause I did not love them. Help me to learn from this event and help me to be slow to anger as well.



Help me learn to love others more than i love myself..
Irwin Zephyr Tan.


Galatians 5:13
For you were called to freedom, brothers
Only do not use your freedom 
as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

No comments:

Post a Comment